Stress

Time is moving in sllllooooowww motion for me. See the hard thing about this whole trip is I can't plan a thing. My body is in control of all of this. I have to wait for my period to start and be at the doctors office for my first ultrasound within 2 days. I am expecting my period to start Jan 28th so our plan as of today is to fly up on Friday the 27th to Boston. From there we will go to Salem and stay until my first appointment. We will then drive the 3 hours to Albany, NY. and the rest is unknown. Most girls have blood work and ultrasounds on cycle day 3,7,9 and 11 but It totally just depends on how my body reacts to all the meds, etc. *Sigh* I would like to plan time to see my family but am stressed on how to fit this in.
Another stress of mine is holy moly this costs a lot. I have A LOT on the line here. We are taking 2 weeks off, flying up for this, and almost spending $10,000 on this. No one can tell me to not stress. I just need distraction. I may try meditation but I am such a scatter brain I can't imagine trying to sit still and not focus on anything but my breathing-yeah right.
My other stress which gets me emotional is the fact that I will not be exercising at all during this process. It completely freaks me out. Not everyone understands this but running is like meditation to me. I run in the mornings and watch the sun come up. It's my time and I don't think about anything else except for running and it feels great. My fear is I will gain weight which I understand I will when I get pregnant but I just have worked so damn hard at trying to stay somewhat healthy and this will all go out the window quick with no exercise. When I am cleared by my Dr if I do get pregnant I will walk but not until after 12 weeks.
My BIGGEST fear which I shouldn't even go there is that my body does not respond to the medications and the Dr. will tell me that in order to get pregnant I will need a donor egg. I have a girlfriend in my support group that had really low AMH of .13 (mine is .84) and after 2 IVF procedures the Dr. recommended a donor egg. They used her husbands sperm but not her egg someone else's. To me that would be heartbreaking. The good news for her is she used a donor egg and is now pregnant with twins and I am so happy for her. Anyway, I will not go there.

Hmmmm... anything else I can stress about. I can't think of anything else today.  LOL